Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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