Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
