i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
