my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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