It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
