i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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