i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
