u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
