Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
