i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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