You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
