hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
