I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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