so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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