what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
