do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
