I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
