Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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