I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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