i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
