I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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