worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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