Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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