At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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