Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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