I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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