8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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