all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
