I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
