Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Randomize
