I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
