My room smells like vodka and shame
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
