Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
