remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
