i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
