I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
