Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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