Her vagina should come with caution tape.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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