Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
