3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
