I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
