Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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