i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
