We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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