whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
