I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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