She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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