life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Randomize
