I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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