apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
