Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
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