Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
