You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
