hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
