Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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