Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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