You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
