one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
