we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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