His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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