it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
